I need MOTIVATION and LOVE

For the last couple months I've been struggling with my weight.After having Cabriel I lost over 50 lbs.And I loved my body.I didn't feel too thin nor too fat.I just felt GOOD!I felt good about my body and how my clothes feels on me.I was more excited about going out and buying a brand new outfit.I was happy and so full of confidence,which I'm always am,but at times I don't feel that way after gaining 30+pounds.I don't know what went wrong.Well now I DO!As I reflect on my life and how things were.I realized it was STRESS and I was gaining MORE than before......I didn't know back than that it was STRESS.I even had a emotional breakdown and didn't know what it was.I thought it was normal for people to feel that way until my husband told me and he notice the different changes in me.I was so overwhelmed with everything that was going on.I had no idea I was going thru that.

Growing up I watched my parents helped others when they needed help even though,We don't have much to give,but we still gave others what we have and sometimes we would end up with nothing and I watched my father struggle to go look else where for our family needs.And that kinda stuck with me as a little child growing up.Even now I see myself doing the same thing.To a point where my husband and I will end up arguing.All I could see is HELPING PEOPLE,but what I don't understand is it's not HELPING them out,if they're not willing to help themselves.Well I didn't learned a DARNED thing at all.All I wanted TO DO is help people out,especially the people I care,cherish,respect,honor,and love,BUT boy was I WRONG! And I think that's where it all started with me being so STRESSED out.I never saw it as being taking ADVANTAGE of I saw it more as HELPING out.

I think I was more hurt knowing that those people that I have so much love and respect are the ones whose hurting me the most.I look up to these people like they're ANGELS,but what I don't understand is that they're the one who turns around and stab me in the back.I felt like I was used and was treated poorly.I felt like I did everything in my power to help them out in any way shape or form,but all I got from them is more grieve.

I was in a lot stress and my eating habits started changing as well as my attitude towards my husband.Discussions turns into arguments and family quality times turns into a disaster.I keep telling myself what is wrong with me.One day after pondering over some scriptures I realized I was letting people 's problem to become our family problem. B/c I thought I could help them out and give them all that they want.

I'm a firm believer in looking for the best in people,but after getting my feelings hurt over and over and seeing that their habits starting to effect my family.I realized I need to step up and stop feeling sorry for them even though I love these people with all my heart and soul.For the longest time I was feeling sorry for them and I allowed them to treat me the way they do and still this day.I would never understand why people would want to hurt those people who cares and love them greatly.

And I realized that all the feeling of stress comes from being betrayed by people who I thought the world of .I was hurt,betrayed,used and was disrespected and walk all over.And I love these people and that's why hurts me the most because I love them and it was hard for me to let go of them.I realized that I need to work on myself first and than start worrying about other people needs.My boys needs and desires comes first than others.I keep telling myself I need to stop worrying about things I can't control.I've never been so stressed out like this,but like I said before, I love these people so much,that it started to effect me emotionally and physically.I'm a good motivator,but last couple months has been a rough road for me.

For this MONTH.I'm going to make a NEW ME!Seriously! I NEED MOTIVATION!.I need to lose some weight and more~to FOCUS on the most important things in my life and that will be MY BOYS AND CHURCH.And not to mention my eating habits..And I also need to hang out with people who will UPLIFT ME instead of dragging me down all the time and be so negative towards me. HECK YEAH I CAN DO THIS! ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE RIGHT?